I want to leave my relationship, but I can't afford to. What do I do?

I want to leave my relationship, but I can't afford to. Where do I do?

You've been thinking about leaving for months. Maybe longer.

But every time you seriously consider it, you find yourself doing the same calculations.

You earn $65,000 a year. You have two children.

Your partner earns significantly more than you.

The mortgage/rent comes out of your joint account, and most of the savings are in an account you don't regularly access.

You don't know whether you could afford rent on your own, let alone buy another home.

And there's one question you keep coming back to.

How am I supposed to start again?

If this sounds familiar, I want to talk about the financial side of leaving a relationship.

Not because money should determine whether you stay or leave.

But because understanding your financial position can help you see what options might be available.

A note about your safety: If your partner is abusive or controlling, financial planning should never come before your immediate safety. Leaving can be a particularly dangerous time.

If you are concerned about your safety, contact 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 for confidential support and safety planning. If someone monitors your phone or internet activity, consider accessing information through a safer device.

First, understand what your financial position looks like.

When you've been in a relationship for years, your finances can become intertwined.

You might have joint bank accounts, a mortgage, credit cards, personal loans or investments.

Perhaps your partner has always managed the finances.

You might not even know exactly how much is owing on your home loan.

Where it's safe to do so, and ideally with professional support if your partner is controlling, start by understanding what you own and owe.

For example, imagine your family home is worth $950,000 and the mortgage balance is $550,000.

That means there's approximately $400,000 in equity before selling costs and any other adjustments.

But that doesn't automatically mean you're entitled to $200,000. Property settlements depend on individual circumstances, and the division of assets isn't necessarily 50/50.

A family lawyer can help you understand your potential entitlements.

MoneySmart's separation guide explains what may need to be considered when separating finances.

What if you don't have any savings of your own?

This is something I want you to understand.

Not having savings doesn't mean you have no options.

If you've spent years caring for children, working part-time or managing the household, your financial contribution to the relationship may look different from your partner's.

That doesn't mean it has no value.

If you are experiencing financial abuse, specialist services can help you understand your options without requiring you to have money saved first.

Financial abuse can include being prevented from accessing money, being pressured into debt or having your employment controlled.

You can read more about this through 1800RESPECT's financial abuse resources.

What financial assistance might be available?

Depending on your circumstances, you may qualify for government assistance.

For example, Services Australia provides a Crisis Payment for some people experiencing family and domestic violence who meet the relevant eligibility requirements.

You may also be eligible for other income support or assistance with housing and childcare.

These payments are not automatic, and eligibility depends on your individual circumstances.

You can find information through Services Australia – Crisis Payment.

What happens if we have a mortgage together?

This is where things can become complicated.

If both names are on the mortgage, separating doesn't automatically remove either person's responsibility for the loan.

Even if one person moves out.

Even if your former partner agrees to make the repayments.

The lender will generally continue to treat both borrowers as responsible until the loan is formally changed, refinanced or discharged.

If you want to keep the family home, you may need to refinance the mortgage into your own name.

And if you want to buy another property, the existing mortgage could affect your borrowing capacity.

This is something a mortgage broker can help you understand once your immediate safety and legal arrangements are being addressed.

Will you ever be able to buy a home on your own?

Possibly.

And I don't want you to assume the answer is no simply because your circumstances have changed.

I've worked with women purchasing property independently at different stages of their lives.

Some have substantial savings.

Others are starting with very little.

Your ability to purchase will depend on your income, expenses, deposit, existing debts and the lender's assessment.

You can start learning about the process in my article: How Do I Buy a Home in Sydney?

But buying a home doesn't need to be your immediate priority. Sometimes the first financial goal is simply having somewhere safe to live.

You don't need to solve the next ten years today.

If you're considering leaving a relationship, you might be worrying about everything at once.

• Where you'll live.
• How you'll pay the bills.
• Whether you'll lose the family home.
• Whether you'll ever be financially independent again.

You don't need to have all those answers today.

There are professionals who can help with the immediate safety, legal and financial decisions.

And when you're ready to explore property ownership, that's a conversation we can have too.

About April Six

I'm Eshanee Collins, a Sydney mortgage broker and founder of April Six.

I help people understand their options when buying their first home, purchasing an investment property or refinancing.

If you're rebuilding financially and wondering whether homeownership could be part of your future, you're welcome to get in touch by clicking here.

There's no pressure to apply for a loan.

Sometimes you just need to understand where you stand.

Any information or advice contained on the April Six Pty Ltd website is general in nature only and has been prepared without considering your individual personal objectives, financial situation or requirements. Before acting or relying on this information, you must consider the appropriateness of this information with regard to your individual circumstances and objectives.

April Six Pty Ltd is a Credit Representative of Astute Financial Management Pty Ltd | Australian Credit Licence 364253

© April Six Pty Ltd | ACN: 667183735 | Credit Representative Number 554762

Eshanee Collins is the founder of April Six, a Sydney-based mortgage broker for first home buyers and first-time property investors across Australia.

📱 0488 471 888 | @eshanee_thebroker | aprilsix.com.au